


The Gender Witch

by Certeis



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Other, Satire, Transformation, bimbo, gamer - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-06-29 22:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19840003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Certeis/pseuds/Certeis
Summary: This is a satirical story.  Ana is great, tho.





	1. Chapter 1

Gabe Gates strode confidently and masculinely down the sidewalk, immensely pleased with himself. He’d just gotten totally super MuscleRipped at the local GymCenter and could not have been more full of testosterone at that moment. He turned the corner leading up to the street where his ManCave was located, and then immediately stopped and backed up. His front door was open, and several squad cars from the PC Police were parked outside. He muttered a curse to Atheist Jesus under his breath and watched from around the corner. No doubt the Daily Dot had made some totally unfair, biased, and false claims about him and now the authoritarian left was ransacking his house just like 1984. Slowly, his garage door opened, and his eyes went wide.

“No, bro… you can’t…” he whispered. 

The door opened up, and there it was, his pallet of Gamer Girl Bathwater jars. The PC Police wheeled it out of his garage and loaded it up into a Politically Incorrect containment van, sealing and locking the doors behind it. One of the PC Police patted the van on the side, and it drove off, leaving the rest of the officers to continue searching Gabe’s house. As he watched the van drive away, Gabe stared in sorrow, and would have cried a single tear if he was physically capable of doing something so Beta.

“Better get outta here, bro,” Gabe muttered to himself, turning and running down the sidewalk in the other direction. He’d have to find one of his buddies to stay with until things cooled down. His fellow Gamers would rise up, and fight back against this fascist left censorship of him.

A siren sounded ahead of him, and Gabe hurriedly ducked into an alley so that he could hide behind a dumpster. Another PC Police squad car rolled past, no doubt searching for him.

“Never take me alive, bro.” Gabe swore to himself, and ran down the alley, seeking safety. A shadow passed overhead, and he glanced towards the upper reaches two buildings rising up beside him. Nothing was there. No mysterious figure was going to swoop down on hi—   
  
“Oh, Gabriel~” The sinister melodic voice of a temptress sang out his name, and Gabe whirled around in a panic. It was her, Ana Valens, The Gender Witch. “You’ve been very naughty, Gabriel~” she crooned. She was hovering a foot off the ground, flannel robes fluttering in an invisible breeze. Slowly, she floated towards him.

“Bro! Get away!” Gabe screamed in fear, backing up and tripping on a rock. He fell on his butt, and continued to scuttle backwards as she approached.

“Oh, no, Gabriel. We need to re-educate you first~” Ana giggled, reaching into her flannel gown and withdrawing an object. It was… oh no.

Gabe trembled in fear as Ana brandished the Soy Milkshake at him. His mouth opened to scream, but he was far too Masculine to do something that Beta. With a sinister giggle, Ana tossed the milkshake at him, and its contents spilled everywhere, soy milk and soy iced cream soaking his hair and clothes. He twitched as the phytoestrogens in the soy milk absorbed into his bloodstream through the skin, withering away his precious masculinity. Gabe groaned and gasped as the chemical weapon ravaged his body. He glared up at Ana, and, wow, gosh, she was so pretty, but she was being so mean to him, it was just like Orwell. But, who was Orwell again? Was that him?

He looked down at his chest and hands and gasped as his breasts swelled out past his tanktop and his nails turned pink and sparkly. His hair extended down past his shoulders and lightened to a bright blonde.

Wow! He was pretty too! Wait, was he even a boy? That didn't seem right, like, at all! Obviously she'd just been confused, she was totally a girl. But what was her name? It wasn't Gabe or Orwell, those weren’t pretty names at all!

"How are you feeling, Gabby?" Ana crooned soothingly. She'd floated down to kneel next to Gabby, (OBVIOUSLY that was her name, Duh!) and she was gently running her fingers through Gabby's hair.

"Like, totally fabulous, Miss Ana!" Gabby giggled. Wow, Ana was so nice!

"Are you ready to help me destroy all Gamers, Gabby?" Ana asked sweetly.

"Like, totally! I'd love to ruin the Pay-troo-icky!" Gabby clapped excitedly.

"That's a good girl~"


	2. Kiwan Famra

Kiwan Famra rode his massive, totally alpha Brolizard down the rocky slope. It was here, somewhere, the most powerful magical artifact of all time: the Chalice of Vigeon Gamia. It was supposedly sealed in the totally hardcore tomb of Westra, somewhere in this valley. He’d stolen the map from a bunch of SJW elves. The dumb hippies had been too busy having sex with one another to notice him sneaking in to snatch it. Imagine that, not protecting their map while they writhed in degenerate passion with one another. Not that he was jealous of them, of course. He totally got all the babes he wanted, totally.

“Nice, bro,” Kiwan whispered as he reached the bottom of the canyon, and found it. Hidden under a rocky shelf, was an ancient stone door covered in moss and worn down by generations of wind and erosion. He hopped down out of his Brolizard’s saddle and patted his massive muscular mount on the flank to let it know he’d be right back.

“Don’t worry babe, it always hurts when they take me for the first time,” Kiwan chuckled to himself as he approached the sealed tomb, unsheathing his blade ‘Cuckcleaver.’ With a powerful, totally alpha roar, Kiwan used his huge ripped pecs to swing the blade at the stone door. The blade stuck the decrepit stone, and bounced off, but one of the two doors swung open easily. Kiwan regained his balance, cleared his throat, and easily pushed open the other side of the double door.

Sunlight streamed into the dark tomb, but a faint glimmer illuminated it from within. Kiwan gasped as he saw it, standing there in the middle of the tomb was an immaculate statue of a totally hot babe holding out an object in both of its stone hands.

“The legends were fukken true, bro,” Kiwan whispered as he took in the sight of the Chalice of Vigeon Gamia. He walked forward as though in a trance, letting Cuckcleaver hang loosely at his side, and reached outwards to touch the gleaming golden surface of the Chalice. He touched it for only the briefest of instants, and then the statue and the chalice vanished into a haze, leaving him alone in the dark, spooky crypt.

“What the fuck, bro?” Kiwan asked, lifting Cuckcleaver and looking around. Had someone tricked him? Was this a test?   
  


“Awww, silly adventurer, are you disappointed? Don’t worry sweetie, the tomb’s  _ real  _ treasure is still here~” a voice giggled in the darkness, echoing all around Kiwan.

“The fuck, bro? Who said that?” Kiwan gasped as he tightened his grip on the hilt of his weapon. But before he could move or do anything further, the stone doors of the tomb slid shut, sealing him in darkness.

“It’s sooooo nice of my Elven worshippers to send me  _ two _ sacrifices in one year,” the voice crooned in excitement, and Kiwan had to shield his eyes as a soft pink light began to fill the room. The spectre of a blonde bespectacled Elven woman was standing where the statue had been previously, and Kiwan roared in rage, swinging Cuckcleaver at her. She vanished as the blade swung through her form, and a moment later, reappeared next to him, placing her hand on his arm. His arm went numb, and he gasped, dropping the super heavy blade.

“Now, now, is that any way to greet your new Goddess?” the elven woman scolded him gently.

“Not cool, man! Who are you, anyway?” Kiwan stepped backwards until his back was against the wall, Cuckcleaver lying abandoned on the ground. He asked, but a sense of dread crept over him. This Elf looked like the fiend from the stories, the dreaded Gender Witch.

“My name is Valenyara Anasaria, but you can call me ‘Goddess.’ Now, that form of yours is simply atrocious, let’s fix that real quick, shall we?” The spectral woman smirked and leaned forward and exhaled gently, blowing a stream of pink smoke at him.

“Hey! Not co—” Kiwan choked on the smoke and gasped. It smelled like flowers and perfume and all kinds of girly stuff that he was way too alpha to be into. He crawled forward, feeling his body changing, feeling everything melt away from him. He felt his chest swelling, his muscles deflating into a gentle softness and curviness. As his hair grew out to frame his face with soft, feminine bangs and long curls going down his back, he clung to his identity desperately, trying to find Cuckcleaver. If he could find his sword,he could fight back, he could protect his precious masculinity through any means necessary. He might have boobs and curves now, but he wasn’t gay, not if he could just… what was he trying to do? fight?

As he crawled forward, he didn’t find the hilt of a sword, but why was he looking for a sword anyway? Gosh, using something as crude as a sword on people would be super rude. He’d never do that. Instead, found himself looking at a pair of spectral feet, and he looked upwards to see a  _ super  _ pretty glowing Elven lady looking down at him. Wow! She was the prettiest ghost lady he’d ever seen.

“How are you feeling, my precious little girl?” Goddess asked. Wait, girl? Wow! Did she really ever think that she was a boy? So ridiculous. It was a good thing she had Goddess there to set her straight.

“ _ Way  _ better, Goddess, wow!” The girl gushed. “But, umm, who am I? I’m kinda confused.”

“Mmm, you’re going to spend your days as a cute little girly slut for all of my followers when you take that map back to their camp, so we need to name you, don’t we? How about ‘Leaf?’” Goddess asked, kneeling down and cradling the girl’s chin in her hand gently. 

“Wow! It’s toooootally pretty, Goddess, Leaf loves her new name!” Leaf exclaimed happily. Wow, and she was going to make lots of new friends too, by the sounds of it! She couldn’t wait to meet all these other nice Elves.

“That’s a good girl~”


End file.
